Arrrghh!

This donkey drove me nuts last night!!

Hee Haw my ass, you Jackass!

Gummi Bears: Live Action Movie!

I wish - that would be sweeeet!

Love forever love is free...let's turn forever you and me

Wow.

It's been forever since I posted...well - on here at least.

We've been working on a new blog at work, and its going well so far. I just hope we can keep it up. The consultants keep telling us that a morning audience is the most inclined to hit the internet, so I guess that's a plus.

It's been a rough week at work - Becky was gone Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday. Normally, that would suck and all - but with the new 6 AM format, it sucks HARD! I don't know how I'm going to be able to not snap when she's actually gone for a full week. It's just crazy amounts of work.

Luckily, Kristin came in a little early all three days, so I wasn't completely alone.

Either way, thank GOD it's Friday... almost. As soon as I go to bed, and wake up - its my Friday. :-D

Today was going to be the day that I get my love life straightened up, but its been all screwy for 25 years, whats another day?

I'm going to bed now...

...all I wanna hear is the message beep. My dreams, they've got to kiss, because I don't get sleep, no...

Jimmy and Spinner's Rap....too funny

Happy Anniversary Momma and Daddy

Good Lord, I guess it shouldn't be that hard to believe... but today is my parents' 30th wedding anniversary.

30 years!

That's a long time. It's been some good times, and some bad, but overall... it's been 30 years.

Happy Anniversary!

Charlotte Coliseum Implosion

Ah...19 years of memories. Almost makes you want to shed a tear.

Bye-Bye to the Hive!
1988-2007

I'm the king of the castle, you're the dirty rascal. Crash into me!

Okay... it's been a BAD 12 hours for me.

Around 2:30 this morning, I was trying to go to sleep - when I think I started a kidney stone. I was moving around a lot, because I was in so much pain.

Then the nauseousness started. I don't know if any of you have ever had a kidney stone, but for a man it's like having a baby - but in fast forward. You get the pain and "morning sickness" and you're throwing up for a while. Then within a few days, a jagged stone (not smooth - don't be fooled by the name) has made it's way, scratching along the side of the wall all the way from your kidney to your "you know what." And then it's time for the "birth."

Like I said, it's in fast forward, so we don't have the hours of labor, but that thing hurts so much when it comes out, it can bring you to your knees in a heartbeat. You're still in pain for a couple days after, if that gives you any idea on how much it hurts.

So yeah, I hate getting them, and this is NOT my first one by any stretch of the imagination. I'm going to hate the next few days.

So anyways... I was getting sick until about 6:30 this morning, and after the first time or two, it was mainly dry heaving and I'm pretty sure there might have been some blood. I thought about going to the hospital, but didn't. I just wanted the pain to end.

Then I got up and went to church with Jen T. First time I've been back to church since Grandma's funeral. A lot of the things just got to me and I had a hard time with that.

But then, I'm leaving church and I see a voicemail from my sister. So when I get to the red light, I'm starting to check it, when this woman creams into the back of me. Apparently - she didn't see the red light, my truck, or the three cars in front of me that were stopped.

I smacked my head on the back window of the truck and it's killing me. Once again, I thought about going to the hospital, but didn't. I hope I don't regret not getting checked out.

But yeah, her car (which is actually her husband's company car, and he was NOT in the car) wasn't too bad, and I guess mines not either, but my back bumper and tailgate are fucked up. She was all "I'm going to give you my insurance, since the car is a company car." I thought it was sounding fishy and told her, I didn't care what she did, but I was calling the police. I want a police form, damnit. You're not screwing me over and having me get stuck with the repair bill.

So then the cops came out, filled out the form and put that it was her fault. She didn't get charged, but as long as my form says it's her fault - I don't care.






So yeah, now I just have to figure out how to tell my parents, "hey, by the way, I know you're out of the country, but I'm going by the house to borrow one of your cars, so mine can get fixed."

Oh well. I just hope they call today, so I don't have to tell them on their 30th wedding anniversary tomorrow.

I have more to post later, about the rest of my weekend and the next three weeks! It's going to be hectic.

"...I will be your dixie chicken, if you'll be my Tennessee lamb. We can walk together down in Dixieland...Crash into me...Crash into me..."

And bad mistakes....I've made a few. I've had my share of sand kicked in my face and I've come through

Okay...

So I'm going to try and be done with depressing posts for a while. I'm not saying they won't be, but I'm making a conscious effort to change my outlook on life right now.

Today marks a week since we buried Grandma. I'm still having a hard time, losing Papa and Grandma so close together. There's been a couple times that I've done something recently, and I wanted to call Grandma and tell her about it, but then reality hits.

I think the part that hit me the hardest, is what has made me happiest in the last few months. We found out on Thursday that we won the 5AM book. Okay, so technically we tied Channel 9 with a 3.6, but when you take it out to the hundredths...we won 3.60 to 3.58. Stupid rounding up.

It's the first time that the 5AM show has won in YEARS, so we're obviously very excited about it. As much as I'd love to take full credit for the turn-around, it's been a couple years in the making. It's sad that the people who helped to build the show up (like Heidi, Jen O, and of course, Trent Faris) aren't on the show anymore to enjoy the success...but they know they were the bricklayers.

But, I have to sorta think Grandma was helping out. I know that before Grandma died and before she become really sick, she was always asking how we were doing and if we were getting close to winning. She told me that she was praying for me, that I would be able to do my job to the best of my ability and that I would find success. I'm a big believer in prayer, so I just have to say thanks to all my co-workers for the job well done, and thanks Grandma!

"...I've taken my bows and my curtain calls, you've bought me fame and fortune and everything that goes with it...I thank you all..."

Oh Danny boy, the pipes, the pipes are calling...from glen to glen, and down the mountain side

I figured a good sad Irish song was appropriate today.

We held Grandma's visitation today from 3-5 o'clock. It was good, but sad at the same time. There was a pretty good crowd, never really a line, but a pretty good flow of people. There were a few minutes of down time here and there, but that's not a bad thing.

It was hard seeing Grandma though. I was trying to be strong, but I couldn't. I miss her so much.

I just finished writing her eulogy. It was hard, I lost count of how many times I wrote and then re-wrote it. I just couldn't seem to get it right. It seemed like I was never quite capturing the woman Grandma was.

I figure'd I'd post it, I don't know why, but I've talked so much about her on here that I figured "why not?"

So this is your warning....from here down is my eulogy that I'm reading tomorrow morning, nothing more, so if you're hoping something funny will pop up at the end - just stop reading.

---------

Grandma's Eulogy 5/21/07

"Over the last couple of weeks, I’ve taken some time to sit down and think about Grandma’s life. While I was thinking back and remembering all the good times, I’ve seen what a tremendous impact Grandma has made on my life.

All you had to do was meet Grandma once. Just once, and you thought the world of her. She was a strong woman, with a loving heart and gentle spirit. She always knew the right words to put a smile on your face and joy in your heart. She loved to make people happy, and the people she loved the most were her family.

When I was growing up, I was like most children. Grandma was the woman who gave big hugs and made good food. The older I got, the more important Grandma became and the bigger impact she had. It wasn’t that she had changed, but my perspective of her had. Grandma taught me about love through her words, but mainly by her actions.

I know that no one in my family will ever doubt the amount of love that Grandma had for us. She supported every one of us, no matter what. She was always our biggest cheerleader and our biggest support team. When we’d do well, she was the first to congratulate us. When we’d fail, she’d be the first to offer kind words and a helping hand to dust ourselves off.

She couldn’t always be there physically, with seven grandchildren in all parts of the world, but you always knew she was there for you. We were in her thoughts and in her prayers.

Grandma was a very religious woman and you always knew if Grandma was praying for you, you were going to be just fine. I always knew that Grandma was going to be there, without judgment and sweet smile to comfort me…no matter how difficult life became.

Grandma showed me love, a kind of love that is never-ending and never fading, and that gives me comfort. I am a better person today, because of the things Grandma taught me and the love she shared with me and for that I will be eternally grateful.

There’s a verse that Grandma said she wanted as part of her funeral, and I’d like to read it to you now.

“A light is from our household gone; a voice we loved is stilled. A place is vacant in our home that never can be filled. The Golden Gates did open, a gentle voice said “come,” and with farewell unspoken, we said “Thy will be done.” May the Blessed Virgin greet her, and present her to her son; May his Sacred Heart receive her, as it was God’s will was done.”

Grandma was a strong Irish woman, and I think it would be appropriate for me to end with an Irish blessing. This is one that has been hanging in the hallway of Grandma and Papa’s house for as long as I can remember.

“May the road rise to meet you...may the wind be always at your back…may the sun shine warm upon your face and rains fall soft upon your fields. And until we meet again, Grandma, may God hold you in the palm of His hand.”

---------

"...and if you come, when all the flowers are dying and I am dead, as dead I well may be. You'll come and find the place where I am lying, and kneel and say an "Ave" there for me..."

I'm staring out into the night...trying to hide the pain

Yeah, it's another one of those entries.

I'm not having a good night. I found out Friday afternoon that my Grandmother had finally died. They always say something about knowing, and it helping - but they lied. Knowing that Grandma was going to die, didn't help the pain of finding out.

I know that I've told her what I wanted to, so I don't have any regrets on that end, but I still miss her.

Friday night I stayed in Charlotte, because my parents told me just to come back on Saturday. I went out with Karla, Holly and Dan. We went to Jason's friends house... and there was alcoholic beverages to help ease the pain.

But that's not what I want, it didn't do anything really. I woke up, still sad. It's not that I expected I wouldn't, but you can always hope, right?

I woke up and went to play softball, which I will update in another, less sad post later.

And now...here I sit, in front of my computer in Lancaster, writing a eulogy for my Grandma. It's hard. I did one for Papa, but this second one seems to be harder for me. I don't know if it's because I'm trying to compare the two eulogies and keep them different or what. I don't know.

This time around seems to be much harder all around. Things are different. When Papa died, we all gathered at Papa and Grandmas house to rally as a family and around Grandma. There's no Grandma this time, so one set of family isn't coming in until tomorrow for the visitation, and I've only seen half of the other set.

It's just that I've always been around family during death, and now I'm not. And Grandma was the last of the grandparents...maybe that's why it's harder.

I feel like I have to be strong for my parents. They've been through some much in the last 7.5 weeks with Grandma. I know deep down, they don't want me to hide my feelings, but I still feel like it's the thing I should do. I don't want them to have one more thing to worry about.

I think I'm going to put this thing aside for tonight. Maybe I can figure out the rest tomorrow.

"...I'm going home, back to the place where I belong. Where your love has always been enough for me...I'm going home..."

Take me out to the ball game...take me out with the crowd

The Blue Team vs The Gold Team
Saturday May 19th
Park Road Park

The Gold Team is going down quicker than a whore on a man with 50 cents in his pocket!

(Apparently, Kary made me the official Trash Talker and made this lovely picture. LOL)


"Let me root, root, root for the home team, if they don't win, it's a shame.
For it's one, two, three strikes, you're out (Gold) at the old ball game."

Is this the way it's really going down...is this how we say goodbye?

I just don't know anymore.

I'm starting to think that I could have just a good of a chance to guess when Grandma while die as the doctors do.

I can't tell you how many times in the last three weeks that we've heard, "Oh, she's not going to make it past _____" But every time, Grandma has made it past that point. But this time, it's different. Grandma's breathing has changed, and she's actually stopped breathing for brief periods, before finally kick-started back.

Daddy called this morning and I'm pretty sure he feels the same way. We've talked before about what he should do if something happens, but this time he actually asked if he should call and wake me if something happens.

I know I've said what I need to say to her, and that it would mean she's not in pain any more... but I'm not ready. I'm just not.

"Don't want to think about it...don't want to talk about it, I'm just so sick about it. Can't believe it's ending this way Just so confused about it...feeling the blue about it, I just can't do without ya. Tell me is this fair?"

Not my normal post... but too funny to ignore...

God I love my job sometimes....

I don't know why I act the way I do...like I ain't got a single thing to lose

Aarrrggghh. I have such anger issues sometimes.

I have a pretty short string, compared to some people, on a regular basis - but I'm usually able to control my feelings. I have a tendency to make jokes to diffuse any feelings I might have, good or bad.

But lately, my fuse is zitch. The jokes are far and few between, and I'm hiding my feelings less and less. I feel like a need to go see someone... a professional, if you wish. I just need someone to tell me how to channel what I'm feeling into healthy releases.

Who knows.

It'll all change soon. I'll soon be sleeping, and doing better at work and back to crackin' jokes (even the lame ones... okay, ESPECIALLY the lame ones) and diffusing everything like I used to.

Think happy thoughts, Peter Pan, think happy thoughts.

"...the urge to run, the restlessness, the heart of stone I sometimes get ...the things I've done for foolish pride, the me that's never satisfied. The face that's in the mirror when I don't like what I see I guess that's just the cowboy in me..."

Would you hold my hand if I saw you in Heaven?

Yeah, I'm having a hard time right now. I'm not sleeping, I'm doing crappy at work and I'm worried about my family.

Eight weeks ago today, I was sitting at my grandparents house with all of my family - having just learned a couple hours before that my grandfather had died. I can remember very vividly how my grandmother looked, acted and sounded.

What a difference eight weeks makes.

Grandma's been in the hospital for six weeks now, and she looks worse every time. The nurse told my dad yesterday "We're seeing the signs, she won't be here tomorrow." So I went after my dentist appointment and sat with Grandma for a while, knowing very well...more so than normal...this could be my last time seeing her.

I had already spent time, in the dentist's office, thinking about what I would say to her. Eric Clapton's "Tears in Heaven" played over the speakers while I was thinking. I took it as a sign and started to cry a little. I was waiting, so no one was in there with me.

I won't go into what all I told Grandma, but the basics were "I love you, and always will" and "Thank you for always being there. I know you'll always be there looking over me and cheering me on." Of course...there were tears. It's hard knowing this is your last chance to say everything you want. You don't want any regrets.

Several times, Grandma kind of raised her eyebrows. We haven't been able to have a "normal" conversation for about three weeks, or more, because of her health and the medicines. It was nice to know - even if she didn't know exactly what I was saying, she heard me.

That's what I'll hold onto - no matter what. Sadness will come, and will stay for a long time, but I'll always know we had that last talk - just me and Grandma.

"Beyond the door, there's peace I'm sure and I know there'll be no more tears in Heaven."

Come on and we'll sing, like we were free..push the pedal down, watch the world around fly by us

Things are a little better right now, although I feel like so many things are changing in a very short amount of time.

Grandma seems to be getting worse more than she's getting better and that's very hard for me to accept. It's also hard to think about the fact that things will never be the same again. I'll never be able to sit with her and talk about things. She used to ask me a million and a half questions about my job -- I think she was more excited about it than I was. Now she's lucid for about 5% of the time you're around...and it's just hard for me.

I went to Melissa Greer's memorial service yesterday. I talked with my Mom after and told her it was nice just to be at church and listen to people talk about what strong faith she had. It really gives me hope.

And Lauren apparently isn't going to be working here much longer. Dennis talked to me the other day and told me, but she still hasn't mentioned it. I guess she'll tell me when she feels like it... IF she feels like it. Kinda sucks.... we went from being close to now we hardly talk, and when we do a fight normally starts. I miss the days when when she didn't hate me.

"...here we go there's nothing left to choose... and here we go there's nothing left to lose..."

The sun will rise and keep your mind at ease... so close your eyes

Blah.

So I'm sitting here at my computer... once again. I think I'm starting to hate my shift at work, at least when I'm at home. I can't seem to get to sleep anymore during the day, and even when I do - I'm awake a couple hours later.

I can't remember the last time I slept for more than 2 hours straight during the week...when I have to sleep during the day. Even on the weekend, when I get a "good" night's sleep, I'm still up after about 3-4 hours. I don't know what the problem is....maybe I'm just too worried about what's going on at home and can't concentrate on sleeping.

When I went to visit Grandma on Saturday, I stayed later... so my parents could get out of town for a couple hours and try to relax. I should probably backspace and put more emphasis on the word "try." I just don't see how they do it. They are non-stop at work, and then the hospital - spending the night there and then back to work to start all over again.

Anyways, Stephanie and I were with Grandma Saturday night until after midnight, so I just went back to my parent's house rather than trying to drive back to the apartment. I think that's the first time I've slept for 8 straight hours... since God knows how long. I think in some way I felt more relaxed being at home, and knowing my parents were there... and I was able to help.

What I wouldn't do for that sleeping ability right now.....

For the past month...since Grandma's been in the hospital - I've been in a constant state of sadness and guilt. I don't know that I've experienced much happiness since Papa died, but I try not to show how sad I've been...and then with Grandma in the hospital right after, it's just too much for me to handle. But then I feel guilty because my Mom, Dad and sister don't really have a choice - they HAVE to handle it. I'm here in Charlotte, but they are there in town, dealing with it on a daily (and nightly) basis. I feel guilty that I'm not there... and guilty that I work at night and can't offer to take a shift... I see how much it wears them down.

I don't know... I've just been a wreck lately, and I can't seem to figure out what to do or how to act.... I'm going to try and sleep again... my alarm goes off in a little over an hour.... good times :\

"Please....close your eyes. Please....if you don't want to say. Please....close your eyes, what keeps you awake?"

Ain't no sunshine when she's gone...

"WBTV is sad to announce that Melissa Greer Polsky died this morning after a 6 month long battle with cancer. Her husband Roger and her family were at her side when she passed away peacefully at about 11 Friday morning."

Yup. I learned this morning that Melissa Greer, one of our meteorologists died this morning. Melissa was a great woman and a great inspiration with the amount of courage that she fought her cancer.

It's hard to believe the battle is over. I felt for sure she was going to beat it and this was going to be the last hurdle for her.

The more I think about what her family is going through, the more I remember Papa, and the more I remember what Grandma is fighting right now. Life can be hard sometimes... but I have to believe that there is a plan, and someone.... somewhere... knows what's going on.

"...only darkness everyday, ain't no sunshine when she's gone and this house just ain't no home, anytime she goes away ..."

We should get jerseys, cause we would make a good team....but yours would look better than mine, cause you're out of my league...

Just got home from the softball game. We won... barely. The score was 17 - 15.

But it's okay - I got a homerun. This is our third game... and for the last two games I've gotten a homer. I think it's surprised me more than anyone.. but I love it.

I just hope I can keep it up, now that I've hit a second one. Now the pressure kicks it.

Oh, but I did actually hit two homers today, only one counted because the first one was during batting practice....but hey - it's still over the fence! :-D

I'm running home to see my family and visit my Grandmother in the hospital.

Peace!

...everyone watching us just turns away with disgust...it's jealously, they can see that we've got it going on...

We're all guilty of the same things...we think the thoughts, whether or not we see them through

Every time we have a big "morning show meeting," I feel so excited about things to come. But sometimes I look at where we want to be (and where we are) and wonder if I'm the one that can get us there or not. I just don't feel like I'm a strong enough leader to get us there... the self doubt is VERY strong.

But nowadays... the burden isn't just on me... and I'm starting to realize it never really was. I think when it comes time for the responsibility, I have a tendency to feel like I'm the one that has to do it all. But it's never been just me and there are always people there to back me up, I just have to know when to ask.

I'm glad Becky's around now - I think that's helped open my eyes to the fact that I don't have to do it alone... we fail as a team and we triumph as a team. May sweeps starts in 13 days....*big sigh*

...and you can't see past the blood on my hands...to see that you've been aptly damned to fail and fail again...

Cause when they own the information, oh they can bend it all they want

Being in the news business is.... well, interesting. I definitely feel like I'm more on top of current events and I feel like I do have a better understanding of what is going on in the world, and how it works.

However... sometimes I feel like local news is driven by the latest "gossip story." Thank God I don't work for FOX....or I wouldn't be able to escape ANY story. At least working for a non-FOX station, I have a reason to avoid American Idol stories and the "Sanjaya" crap. But seriously... how many times do I have to re-visit the Duke Lacrosse story, the Anna Nicole story and now Don Imus vs. Rutgers Women's Basketball.

Don't get me wrong, these are all newsworthy stories...but for how long? Imus said it, apologized - story over. But it's not. With Anna Nicole, there's how she died, who's the daddy (very anti-climatic, btw - I was kinda hoping for a negative on both and a new set of claimers), etc. etc.

It's with these stories that you end up in line, waiting to order your #7 from Jersey Mike's and you overhear "Good God, not this story again! When is the MEDIA going to let this go?"

Ummmm... hello?

When is the public going to learn that 99% of "news" is what the public wants to know... the other 1% is actual news.

Enough self-doubt for one day...

PS - got a sneak peek of my station's new website developments that will be revealed in July, and I'm VERY excited... should be fun!

"...And when you trust your television...what you get is what you got, cause when they own the information, oh they can bend it all they want..."

Thanks John Mayer.... jerk.

And it begins....again....

Hey all,

Just started thinking about it; for a while I did the whole LiveJournal thing religiously... and then I grew out of it. I didn't have much to say and it seemed pointless. I still don't have much more to say now, but the past couple of weeks have been rough on me, so I just figured I needed some sort of outlet. We'll see how this goes.

Obviously... since this is the first post, I won't get too into it. Don't want to get boring right out of the gate... there is PLENTY of time for that.

But yeah, at least now the first entry is out of the way. I'll be around...

Chris