Yeah, I'm having a hard time right now. I'm not sleeping, I'm doing crappy at work and I'm worried about my family.
Eight weeks ago today, I was sitting at my grandparents house with all of my family - having just learned a couple hours before that my grandfather had died. I can remember very vividly how my grandmother looked, acted and sounded.
What a difference eight weeks makes.
Grandma's been in the hospital for six weeks now, and she looks worse every time. The nurse told my dad yesterday "We're seeing the signs, she won't be here tomorrow." So I went after my dentist appointment and sat with Grandma for a while, knowing very well...more so than normal...this could be my last time seeing her.
I had already spent time, in the dentist's office, thinking about what I would say to her. Eric Clapton's "Tears in Heaven" played over the speakers while I was thinking. I took it as a sign and started to cry a little. I was waiting, so no one was in there with me.
I won't go into what all I told Grandma, but the basics were "I love you, and always will" and "Thank you for always being there. I know you'll always be there looking over me and cheering me on." Of course...there were tears. It's hard knowing this is your last chance to say everything you want. You don't want any regrets.
Several times, Grandma kind of raised her eyebrows. We haven't been able to have a "normal" conversation for about three weeks, or more, because of her health and the medicines. It was nice to know - even if she didn't know exactly what I was saying, she heard me.
That's what I'll hold onto - no matter what. Sadness will come, and will stay for a long time, but I'll always know we had that last talk - just me and Grandma.
"Beyond the door, there's peace I'm sure and I know there'll be no more tears in Heaven."
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