Is this the way it's really going down...is this how we say goodbye?

I just don't know anymore.

I'm starting to think that I could have just a good of a chance to guess when Grandma while die as the doctors do.

I can't tell you how many times in the last three weeks that we've heard, "Oh, she's not going to make it past _____" But every time, Grandma has made it past that point. But this time, it's different. Grandma's breathing has changed, and she's actually stopped breathing for brief periods, before finally kick-started back.

Daddy called this morning and I'm pretty sure he feels the same way. We've talked before about what he should do if something happens, but this time he actually asked if he should call and wake me if something happens.

I know I've said what I need to say to her, and that it would mean she's not in pain any more... but I'm not ready. I'm just not.

"Don't want to think about it...don't want to talk about it, I'm just so sick about it. Can't believe it's ending this way Just so confused about it...feeling the blue about it, I just can't do without ya. Tell me is this fair?"